and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You took a bar mat shot.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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