I think I am morally bankrupt
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
