dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
