its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
