I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
