apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
