I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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