just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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