instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
