Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
