i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
