I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
