these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
