He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
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I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
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I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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