Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
