Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
