the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
