Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
