Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
birth control should be required to get into college
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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