Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
