even my farts smell like vagina
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
