Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
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Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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