i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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