I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
