i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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