I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
