pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
