Having a random hookup so left but love u
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
