My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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