I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
