oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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