gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
