thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize