Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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