I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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