I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm getting married
To pizza
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
