You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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