Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
