i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
