hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
