i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Boobs speak an international language.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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