a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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