I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
