Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
