a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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