Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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