Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
do herpes really smell.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
