How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
