i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
