Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
