Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
