WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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