All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
