if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
