I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
