What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
we're making bets on your personal life
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
