PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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