I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
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Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I still have a little drunk in my system
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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