It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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