she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
