Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
