true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have post one night stand depression
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