When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
