You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
