Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
