i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
