Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
