you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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