My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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