Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
