You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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