I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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