Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
