I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
