he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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