yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
