Fine. I'll sleep in my office
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
